Yesterday, I had a bit of a blue ( an intense argument) with one of my Japanese friends regarding a question he asked a foreigner. Several weeks ago at a small festival some foreigners were selling kebabs. I wasn’t sure where they were from, but was quite sure they weren’t native English speakers. It didn’t really matter. I just wanted to order one of the kebabs they were selling.  We spoke to each other in Japanese when I made my order.

Then one of my Japanese friends happened to by walking by. Naturally we greeted each other and  had a chat. I was eating my kebab at this time. He saw I was eating my kebab and saw the foreigners. As they were working they were speaking Japanese loudly and fluently. They were busy serving customers.  My Japanese friend walked over to one of them and asked “Where are you from?” in English. The foreigner ignored the question and just continued working. I told my friend off saying he shouldn’t have asked him that question and also that he should have spoken to him in Japanese and not English.
 

So yesterday when I met my friend again we argued. He is a very good friend so we are blatantly honest with each other. We were drinking and he brought up the incident and said he had done nothing wrong when he asked the foreigner were he was from in English. I disagreed and tried to explain myself and gave him some advice. My argument was that Japanese should speak to foreigners in Japanese in Japan at first point of contact. Most Japanese assume foreigners can’t speak Japanese. Japanese will rarely give foreigner the benefit of the doubt. I also said his question was pathetic and inappropriate.  The “Where are from?” question and resulting conversation becomes almost a weekly ritual in Japan for foreigners. Needless to say you get sick of  Japanese asking you the same questions. 

 
Japanese are socially challenged and by there own omission generally fear foreigners.  This is something you will have to get used to and not take personally in Japan. It is a result of lack of “worldly experience”, and experience in communication with people in general. Japanese are poor verbal communicators. In fact Japanese pride themselves that they can communicate feelings and thoughts to family members without the spoken word.  Japanese have strong assumptions about all foreigners and are conditioned , almost programmed, to ask the same questions. At the core of each of these questions is the underlying statement – “you are not one of us”.
 
So here they are, the questions you’ll soon hate to be asked if you

live in Japan for an extended period of time.

1.Are you American?

2.Where are you from?

3.Can you eat Natto?

4.Do you like Japan?

5.Have you ever eaten sushi?
 
It gets worse!

Some Japanese won’t even give you the courtesy of speaking directly to you. Often when I am with Japanese friends if we meet other Japanese questions will be asked about me, but not directly to me.  They are the same silly “where are you from?” questions, but your friends will be asked the question instead . It is quite surreal because you feel ignored yet you are the topic of the conversation. Now, I think in most countries this kind of behavior is rude and generally unacceptable, but in Japan because of the “outsider mentality” in is common and a natural social reflex custom. Then if you point out that you can in fact speak Japanese often what happens then is the conversation ends and you are ignored.