Living and working in Japan is very stimulating, exciting and for the most part rewarding. Every aspect of the culture is different so you are always discovering something new or unusual. I have had many wonderful experiences in Japan. I have also had many frustrating and confusing experiences as well.

Understanding Japanese takes a lot of time, patience and understanding. After several months of living in Japan I began to notice how reserved and introverted Japanese could be. I first thought I was just dealing with  a large number shy people, but I soon understood it was cultural  conditioning

Japanese rearly voice opinion and will often not offer one when asked. They don’t like to cause conflict and worry, even fear, the opinion of others. They live in fear of causing trouble to others.  This is because emphasis is less on individuality or individual rights, and more on society and the smooth functioning of the group.   In fact individuality puts people in danger in Japan. An example of this is bulling from school to the work place. The individual is defined in terms of the group and his or her position in it.

As most Westerns never can never be included fully into Japanese society we are not expected to understand this cultural phenomena. We are also fortunate that we don’t have live it. I often feel that Japanese cannot be their own person as they are not free to express their thoughts and feelings.  Also, there is so much social etiquette and protocol, that living in or for the moment is something rarely enjoyed.

Then there is the frustrating Japanese trait of modesty. Japanese use humble expressions when referring to themselves and never speak highly of their own abilities, achievements, credentials or possessions. If praised, it is considered impolite to accept the compliment. Etiquette requires that Japanese rebuff praise and downplay strengths, abilities and achievements. As a result Japanese come off sounding very negative and unhappy people to Westerns. The sad fact is…. most Japanese are unhappy.

Giri is an important value and social custom in Japan.  In short, it is the duty one has to fulfill various social obligations. These include the giving of gifts, returning favors, attending functions such as weddings and funerals, the sending of New Years cards and avoiding actions that would cause harm to any one’s livelihood or reputation.

While these acts or obligations are common to Western relationships, the act or practice of giri is very different. When practicing giri one will not take into account one’s own suffering when serving or helping another. To use the workplace as an example, Japanese will serve their superiors with a self sacrificing devotion. Employees will even tolerate abuse and humiliation to fulfill their giri to their superiors or employers. The purpose of this devotion being support and respect for human relationships.

Possible meanings:

• Obligation, moral obligation
• Duty
• Self-sacrificing devotion

Special note:

Giri has a far more pervasive influence on the Japanese world view and culture than its English equivalent. Many foreigners dealing with the Japanese are first impressed by exquisite manners and sense of duty or commitment. However, over time most foreigners come to find these acts of giri to be hypocritical and superficial.

In the Western mindset Giri would be something similar to doing the right thing or repaying kindness. One custom or practice Japanese often find frustrating is gift giving. When Japanese receive gifts Japanese they know they must pay back the kindness and give something in return. This means that for many Japanese receiving gifts is something they wish they could avoid as they know will have to go to the trouble of buying something in return to do giri.

Should You Practice Giri?

You should be definitely aware of and practice giri if you are living in Japan. Practicing giri will help you build strong relationships and help you in the long run. You can actually build up giri with friends and associates by doing unsolicited favors. A sort of an unspoken, but very structured “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine.”

After living in Japan for close to ten years and once never breaking the law I was quite angered when I learned that the next time I re-enter Japan I will be fingerprinted and my photo will be taken. My photograph and the image of my fingerprints will then be ran through a database of international terror and crime suspects as well as domestic records.

It felt like a bit of a slap in the face at the time. I have always believed that Japanese are not racist, at least not to Hakujin (white people). However, this was yet another case of discrimination in a ,at times, backwards country with more than enough social, political and economic problems to worry than concern itself with fingerprinting every foreigner that comes into the country. Japan has been fingerprinting all foreign visitors for security measures since November 2007.

This an another example of Japanese bureaucracy wasting money and resources. Japan is only hurting herself making this move. It will make many people think twice about visiting Japan. It will especially frustrate businessmen. Just imagine you arrive at Narita airport after a 10 to 15 hour flight. Your tired and want to get to your hotel or destination and you are going to be requesting politely requested to have your fingerprints and photo taken. If you refuse you’ll be deported. This kind of bureaucratic nonsense really fuels the fire of my love-hate relationship with Japan.

I can’t think of any reasons that justifies this “security measure”. Japan has not experienced any terrorist attacks by any foreign group or individual. The only recent terrorist attack I can think of was the Sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway in 1995. this attack was committed by the Japanese religious cult Aum Shnrikyo.

Japan can be a wonderful country to visit and live in. However, the longer you live there the more you realize the less you understand. After ten years and many experiences I knew that Japanese could never really be a home for my family. It was a difficult decision to leave, but it was the right decision. I certainly didn’t want my son exposed to certain aspects of Japanese culture. His mother is Japanese and he was born there, but he was always considered a foreigner or half before a Japanese because of the way he looked.  I think growing up in Japan would have been very difficult for him.

I lived in Japan for almost 10 years, married a Japanese, had a child in Japan and I couldn’t even apply for permanent residency. My wife, on the other hand was able to apply and received permanent residency immediately to my home country of Australia last year.

Watching when Japanese meet Japanese for the first time in Japan appears to be an uncomfortable experience for all involved. It can be most certainly uncomfortable for Japanese when meeting foreigners for the first time. Westerners being frank and sometimes a little aggressive can scare or intimidate Japanese. For me, meeting Japanese who have had little experience with foreigners can be an funny interaction. It is something similar to meeting a very shy child. There is usually no eye contact and not much is said. In Japanese this is called “Enryo” – Holding back.

Enryo is a form of politeness, a device for maintaining a certain distance from those one does not know well or one considers as one’s superiors. When Japanese meet someone for the first time, they tend to avoid close contact, such as a hand shake or embrace. A polite bow is the usual greeting. The distance does not necessarily mean unfriendliness, but it can certainly come across that way to new comers to Japan.

Enryo can be a somewhat time wasting and confusing social custom to foreigners. In the Westerners mindset it is Japanese being unnecessarily polite. For example, when offered a drink or food, it is courteous for Japanese to refuse what is offered at least once in order to show that they are holding back. This is being polite in Japan. What is important is show that you are not really declining the the offer, but just trying to show that you are being polite. So rather than saying a flat “no”, Japanese say something like “that would be troubling you to much”. The person making the offer will not take the response at face value . He or she will repeat the offer, saying, “please don’t hold back” with the result of the offer finally being accepted.

Most young Japanese would agree that the logic behind “enryo” at times doesn’t really add up. More and more Japanese are finding the subtle exchanges of courtesy, the art of holding back, too difficult to perform perfectly . However, enryo is still a integral part of social behavior in which Japanese take extreme pride. In casual social encounters, holding back, is highly prized and praised.

Enryo can cause a multitude of problems in the world of international relations and business. Japanese business men are acutely aware that their custom of holding back is the exactly opposed to the Western way of “holding forth”. Depending on where and how business is being done “enryo” can benefit or handicap Japanese. What Westerners should know that if they are playing by Japanese rules, then being too forward and forthright is putting yourself at a disadvantage. Japanese are more impressed with people who talk the least and who make their point by manner rather than their mouth.

A few nights ago I attended the graduation dinner of some design students who were friends and students of mine. After the graduation dinner we had a second party. Then after we had consumed plenty of alcohol it was time to go crazy and paint the town read. We went to Karaoke. With enough alcohol Karaoke can be very addictive. What could be more fun then belting out your favorite songs with lots of alcohol.

The word “kara” means empty and “oke” referring to orchestra, “empty orchestra.” The idea being a singer performs with an orchestra that is not really there. If you have never been to a Karaoke bar it is a little bizarre when you first walk into one. A fairly large building houses lots of little small rooms. Each room has cheap, but clean vinyl furniture, a TV set, microphones, several remote controls, stacks of song books, and intercom phone and menus for food and drinks. So you can not only sing at these places, but have drinks and eat. Generally the food is junk and the drinks cheap, but nasty. You look through a song book, program a song, grab a mike and start singing.

Karaoke bars are a much needed recreational and social environment for Japanese considering the amount of daily stress the average Japanese has. At karaoke bars Japanese can let their hair down and go crazy. All is forgiven and forgotten at Karaoke bars with bosses mixing with low ranking staff hamming things up and just having a good time. Japanese who are generally shy and socially challenged don’t mind belting out a few songs in front of an audience or friends. Needless to say you can really have a good time at Karaoke bars. The enthusiasm and gusto Japanese have for karaoke has to be seen to be believed.

When I first came to Japan I worked as a trainee in a restaurant. This was obviously great for my Japanese. In was hearing Japanese all day long. Those first few weeks were tough trying to understand what my co-workers and customers were saying. One of the first words I learned at my restaurant was “Okyakyu-San” which I took to mean just “customer’. Every time customers walked into our restaurant they were greeted by shouts of “Irasshaiiamse” and then asked how many were in their party. One thing that surprised me was the staff would address the customers “Okyakyu-San”. I thought it a bit odd to be be calling or addressing customers with the word “customer/s”. In English we only use customer to refer to patrons or guests. We never actually say customer to someones face. As my Japanese in the following months improved I think I wrote this term off as just another polite but impersonal Japanese word.

Now that I am a little older with close to a decade of living in Japanese under my belt I believe I do understand the word “Okyakyu-San” on a deeper level. “Okyakyu” means “honored guest” as well as customer. Adding san gives it a Mr., Mrs, or Miss. meaning. Like with most things in Japan it is all about history. Back in the good old Samurai days the hierarchically arranged society meant that in order to survive the inferior class had to provide “service”, extreme politeness and deference to their superiors. The common people were at the mercy or the elite Samurai ruling class. Although the Samurai were a “barbaric sword wielding mob” ( in Western eyes) , they did have extremely high etiquette standards. The Samurai were also in charge of enforcing them. To put in vulgar Western terms:It was kiss ass or your ass would be kicked. This sort of set in a superior/customer is GOD type social conditioning that was ingrained in the Japanese over a period of more than a thousand years. It became an integral part of social and political systems. Etiquette was everything. It also evolved the Japanese language to extreme mind boggling polite standards. Nowadays, the concept of “Okyakyu” has weakened – there are no sword wielding mobsters keeping the high etiquette standards alive. Particularly, the formal language and certain social customs among younger Japanese is disintegrating at an alarming rate and is in fact something of a major concern.

In business customer is still God and Japanese go to great lengths to build harmonious relationships even before actually doing business. It is very different to the somewhat self absorbed “Lets do business” mentality of the west. However, it can take a while to found out just what your prospective business associates want and when and how they want to get business done. Japanese tend to build business relationship with a long term vision in mind, rather than building business to serve short term purposes or meet goals.