Giri is an important value and social custom in Japan.  In short, it is the duty one has to fulfill various social obligations. These include the giving of gifts, returning favors, attending functions such as weddings and funerals, the sending of New Years cards and avoiding actions that would cause harm to any one’s livelihood or reputation.

While these acts or obligations are common to Western relationships, the act or practice of giri is very different. When practicing giri one will not take into account one’s own suffering when serving or helping another. To use the workplace as an example, Japanese will serve their superiors with a self sacrificing devotion. Employees will even tolerate abuse and humiliation to fulfill their giri to their superiors or employers. The purpose of this devotion being support and respect for human relationships.

Possible meanings:

• Obligation, moral obligation
• Duty
• Self-sacrificing devotion

Special note:

Giri has a far more pervasive influence on the Japanese world view and culture than its English equivalent. Many foreigners dealing with the Japanese are first impressed by exquisite manners and sense of duty or commitment. However, over time most foreigners come to find these acts of giri to be hypocritical and superficial.

In the Western mindset Giri would be something similar to doing the right thing or repaying kindness. One custom or practice Japanese often find frustrating is gift giving. When Japanese receive gifts Japanese they know they must pay back the kindness and give something in return. This means that for many Japanese receiving gifts is something they wish they could avoid as they know will have to go to the trouble of buying something in return to do giri.

Should You Practice Giri?

You should be definitely aware of and practice giri if you are living in Japan. Practicing giri will help you build strong relationships and help you in the long run. You can actually build up giri with friends and associates by doing unsolicited favors. A sort of an unspoken, but very structured “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine.”

After living in Japan for close to ten years and once never breaking the law I was quite angered when I learned that the next time I re-enter Japan I will be fingerprinted and my photo will be taken. My photograph and the image of my fingerprints will then be ran through a database of international terror and crime suspects as well as domestic records.

It felt like a bit of a slap in the face at the time. I have always believed that Japanese are not racist, at least not to Hakujin (white people). However, this was yet another case of discrimination in a ,at times, backwards country with more than enough social, political and economic problems to worry than concern itself with fingerprinting every foreigner that comes into the country. Japan has been fingerprinting all foreign visitors for security measures since November 2007.

This an another example of Japanese bureaucracy wasting money and resources. Japan is only hurting herself making this move. It will make many people think twice about visiting Japan. It will especially frustrate businessmen. Just imagine you arrive at Narita airport after a 10 to 15 hour flight. Your tired and want to get to your hotel or destination and you are going to be requesting politely requested to have your fingerprints and photo taken. If you refuse you’ll be deported. This kind of bureaucratic nonsense really fuels the fire of my love-hate relationship with Japan.

I can’t think of any reasons that justifies this “security measure”. Japan has not experienced any terrorist attacks by any foreign group or individual. The only recent terrorist attack I can think of was the Sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway in 1995. this attack was committed by the Japanese religious cult Aum Shnrikyo.

Japan can be a wonderful country to visit and live in. However, the longer you live there the more you realize the less you understand. After ten years and many experiences I knew that Japanese could never really be a home for my family. It was a difficult decision to leave, but it was the right decision. I certainly didn’t want my son exposed to certain aspects of Japanese culture. His mother is Japanese and he was born there, but he was always considered a foreigner or half before a Japanese because of the way he looked.  I think growing up in Japan would have been very difficult for him.

I lived in Japan for almost 10 years, married a Japanese, had a child in Japan and I couldn’t even apply for permanent residency. My wife, on the other hand was able to apply and received permanent residency immediately to my home country of Australia last year.

Watching when Japanese meet Japanese for the first time in Japan appears to be an uncomfortable experience for all involved. It can be most certainly uncomfortable for Japanese when meeting foreigners for the first time. Westerners being frank and sometimes a little aggressive can scare or intimidate Japanese. For me, meeting Japanese who have had little experience with foreigners can be an funny interaction. It is something similar to meeting a very shy child. There is usually no eye contact and not much is said. In Japanese this is called “Enryo” – Holding back.

Japanese Culture – Enryo

Enryo is a form of politeness, a device for maintaining a certain distance from those one does not know well or one considers as one’s superiors. When Japanese meet someone for the first time, they tend to avoid close contact, such as a hand shake or embrace. A polite bow is the usual greeting. The distance does not necessarily mean unfriendliness, but it can certainly come across that way to new comers to Japan.

Enryo can be a somewhat time wasting and confusing social custom to foreigners. In the Westerners mindset it is Japanese being unnecessarily polite. For example, when offered a drink or food, it is courteous for Japanese to refuse what is offered at least once in order to show that they are holding back. This is being polite in Japan. What is important is show that you are not really declining the the offer, but just trying to show that you are being polite. So rather than saying a flat “no”, Japanese say something like “that would be troubling you to much”. The person making the offer will not take the response at face value . He or she will repeat the offer, saying, “please don’t hold back” with the result of the offer finally being accepted.

Most young Japanese would agree that the logic behind “enryo” at times doesn’t really add up. More and more Japanese are finding the subtle exchanges of courtesy, the art of holding back, too difficult to perform perfectly . However, enryo is still a integral part of social behavior in which Japanese take extreme pride. In casual social encounters, holding back, is highly prized and praised.

Enryo can cause a multitude of problems in the world of international relations and business. Japanese business men are acutely aware that their custom of holding back is the exactly opposed to the Western way of “holding forth”. Depending on where and how business is being done “enryo” can benefit or handicap Japanese. What Westerners should know that if they are playing by Japanese rules, then being too forward and forthright is putting yourself at a disadvantage. Japanese are more impressed with people who talk the least and who make their point by manner rather than their mouth.

A few nights ago I attended the graduation dinner of some design students who were friends and students of mine. After the graduation dinner we had a second party. Then after we had consumed plenty of alcohol it was time to go crazy and paint the town red. We went to Karaoke. With enough alcohol Karaoke can be very addictive. What could be more fun then belting out your favorite songs with lots of alcohol.

Karaoke Meaning

The word “kara” means empty and “oke” referring to orchestra, “empty orchestra.” The idea being a singer performs with an orchestra that is not really there. If you have never been to a Karaoke bar it is a little bizarre when you first walk into one. A fairly large building houses lots of little small rooms. Each room has cheap, but clean vinyl furniture, a TV set, microphones, several remote controls, stacks of song books, and intercom phone and menus for food and drinks. So you can not only sing at these places, but have drinks and eat. Generally the food is junk and the drinks cheap, but nasty. You look through a song book, program a song, grab a mike and start singing.

Karaoke bars are a much needed recreational and social environment for Japanese considering the amount of daily stress the average Japanese has. At karaoke bars Japanese can let their hair down and go crazy. All is forgiven and forgotten at Karaoke bars with bosses mixing with low ranking staff hamming things up and just having a good time. Japanese who are generally shy and socially challenged don’t mind belting out a few songs in front of an audience or friends. Needless to say you can really have a good time at Karaoke bars. The enthusiasm and gusto Japanese have for karaoke has to be seen to be believed.

When I first came to Japan I worked as a trainee in a restaurant. This was obviously great for my Japanese. I was hearing Japanese all day long. Those first few weeks were tough trying to understand what my co-workers and customers were saying. One of the first words I learned at my restaurant was “Okyakyu-San” which I took to mean just “customer’. Every time customers walked into our restaurant they were greeted by shouts of “Irasshaiiamse” and then asked how many were in their party. One thing that surprised me was the staff would address the customers “Okyakyu-San”. I thought it a bit odd to be be calling or addressing customers with the word “customer/s”. In English we only use customer to refer to patrons or guests. We never actually say customer to someones face. As my Japanese in the following months improved I think I wrote this term off as just another polite but impersonal Japanese word.

Okyaku-San

Now that I am a little older with close to a decade of living in Japanese under my belt I believe I do understand the word “Okyakyu-San” on a deeper level. “Okyakyu” means “honored guest” as well as customer. Adding san gives it a Mr., Mrs, or Miss. meaning. Like with most things in Japan it is all about history. Back in the good old Samurai days the hierarchically arranged society meant that in order to survive the inferior class had to provide “service”, extreme politeness and deference to their superiors. The common people were at the mercy or the elite Samurai ruling class. Although the Samurai were a “barbaric sword wielding mob” ( in Western eyes) , they did have extremely high etiquette standards. The Samurai were also in charge of enforcing them. To put in vulgar Western terms:It was kiss ass or your ass would be kicked.

This sort of set in a superior/customer is GOD type social conditioning that was ingrained in the Japanese over a period of more than a thousand years. It became an integral part of social and political systems. Etiquette was everything. It also evolved the Japanese language to extreme mind boggling polite standards. Nowadays, the concept of “Okyakyu” has weakened – there are no sword wielding mobsters keeping the high etiquette standards alive. Particularly, the formal language and certain social customs among younger Japanese is disintegrating at an alarming rate and is in fact something of a major concern.

In business customer is still God and Japanese go to great lengths to build harmonious relationships even before actually doing business. It is very different to the somewhat self absorbed “Lets do business” mentality of the west. However, it can take a while to found out just what your prospective business associates want and when and how they want to get business done. Japanese tend to build business relationship with a long term vision in mind, rather than building business to serve short term purposes or meet goals.

Jonathan Peizer is the owner of one of the web’s best content and shopping site for green tea. Jonathan has been running his web site for several years and already has the top five google search items for Green Tea with 40,000-50,000 visitors a month. I recently interviewd him about his passion of Japanese Green tea.

Your site has lots of great content and lots of tea and related products. Can you tell us a little about your website greentealovers.com?

Its as much an informational site about healthy teas, their history, properties, preparations and effects as it is a purveyor of fine green tea — tea that I would add we drink ourselves. We started drinking these teas long before we began selling them.

What are the benefits of drinking green tea?

Since its discovery, green tea has become renowned for its pharmacological properties. While green tea is not classified as a medicine, it does contain medicinal substances. It is ranked as a leading health-giving substance in traditional Chinese medicine. Scientific research is now proving these benefits are due to the antioxidants present in green tea which have shown to be effective in preventing cancer and improving general health.

Is green tea an acquired taste?

That’s also hard to answer — it really depends on personal preference and I would argue that so many don’t prepare it optimally with the right water temperature or filtered water that the real question may be “Is badly prepared green tea an acquired taste?”. Fresh green tea prepared well is actually quite refreshing, calming and tasty — and teas like Jasmine Green or the stronger Chinese Greens really have quite unique tastes… Some might ask in the American Coffee Culture — if tea (and I don’t mean Chai Latte’s) is an acquired taste…

How many varieties of green tea are there?

Well, all tea comes form one bush Camellia Sinensis and the difference between white (steamed), green (steamed or pan fired), black (fermented) and Oolong teas (semi-fermented) is simply the processing. Types of tea are commonly graded depending on the quality and the parts of the plant used. There are large variations in both price and quality within these broad categories, and there are many specialty green teas that fall outside this spectrum. The very best Japanese green tea is said to be that from the Uji region of Kyoto.

What kind of green tea do you recommend for first time drinkers?

For straight green tea drinkers I would recommend Gyokuro or Sencha.

Gyokuro

Gyokuro tea is generally sweet and delicate in flavor. Selected from a grade of green tea known as tencha, Gyokuro is regarded as the highest grade of tea made in Japan. Gyokuro’s name refers to the pale green color of the infusion.

Sencha

The most common type of green tea in Japan. It is made from the young leaves of uncovered plants. Over three quarters of all tea produced in Japanese tea gardens is sencha. The earliest season (first month’s sencha harvest) is called shincha. Later harvests of sencha have more astringent qualities, a more robust flavor and generally less aroma.

Health Problems

If drinking for a chronic health problem I would recommend our Catechin product with a high concentration of the active ingredient in Green Tea (Catechin). People with food allergies to Catechin products like red wine, cocoa (as in dark chocolate), cherries, apples or cranberries should consult a physician before using this. However, if that isn’t an issue this really does provide a high concentration of catechin easily absorbable in ones body. Its not as tasty as our other teas because Catechin is a Tannin and Tannin is what produces astringency in tea. To learn more click here

I would also suggest for the flavor conscious — the exquisite Madame Butterfly Jasmine Green also on that page. It’s a personal favorite. For first time drinkers who needed the more robust black tea or blend tastes at an economical price I’d recommend our flavor blends which also have a jasmine blend in addition to mint, cherry, lime, Irish Breakfast etc.
How do you prepare green tea?

Well, that depends on the green tea. The primary issue is to use fresh leaves, use filtered water, boil it, let it cool down to the appropriate temperature and then infuse the leaves. When you pour boiling water directly on green tea leaves you actually burn the leaves – this bleeds out the tanin, which makes the taste more astringent, rather than allowing the tastier and sweeter amino acids to dominate the taste when using cooler (but still very hot) water. Water with different chemical contents can also radically alter the taste which is why using filtered water is recommended.

Boil water and wait for it to cool slightly by pouring it into a tea pot and then into cups to warm them and to re-measure the water. Place tea leaves and hot water in pot. Brew tea and water in teapot for a few minutes. Pour equal measures of brewed tea into cups until last drop is poured (It is said that the last drop of tea decides its taste on the whole).

Unlike serving coffee, tea needs to be served from a pot by pouring a little into each cup once. Pour some from the last cup to the first to make the amount and density the same. Do not leave water in the pot after pouring the first brew. You can enjoy the second brew by adding some more fresh hot water to the pot. When brewing tea the second time, 1/3 brewing time is adequate because water has already penetrated into the leaves.

How many cups a day do you recommend drinking?

I drink 3-5 cups a day myself. One is supposed to drink at least that much water and I alternate.

Visit Jonathan Peizer at http://www.greentealovers.com

After living in Japan for 10 years now I have come to the final realization and understanding that the majority of Japanese don’t or can’t love. This is a generalization, but I do believe it is true and very real. I used to believe that Japanese just had trouble expressing love. Japanese certainly have great difficulty expressing deep personal feelings. I am often amazed from personal experiences and from what I see on TV at how socially and emotionally challenged Japanese are. Silence seems to cover an inability to express feelings with social conditioning and a shame mentality seem to be the logical explanation.

Going back to my realization that Japanese don’t love. I believe Japan or Japanese doesn’t have a love culture. What I mean is love isn’t valued as much as pride or “doing one’s best. I want to make myself clear. I am not talking about a “boy meets girl and falls in love” kind of love. Japanese do fall in love and have the feelings romance or “being in love”. I am talking about family love, or a love for friends and a love for people in general.  I am not saying Japanese don’t care or feel things for people or family. They certainly do care and have feelings despite having great difficultly expressing them.

Why Japanese Cant Love

What I have seen and believe is that Japanese people just don’t love each other in the sense that love is something that you do or show. Love is a  verb – love it is something you do, not just feel.  Japanese families are ….loveless.  Their culture to a large degree doesn’t allow them to love. Up until the late 70′s arranged marriages were standard with the husband’s occupation, educational background and earning potenial being the most important things to the marriage. Many parents, especially fathers, don’t ever develop friendships with there children. In fact many father’s don’t even know their children because they are never home.

When I take my own son to kinder everyday I never see any parent kiss or hug their child to express love. This really blows my mind. I am talking about 3 and 4 year olds. Even when parents pick their children up there is nothing that you could call loving going on. A smile and a pat on the head at most. Parents may pick up there child and hug or hold them, but not for an expression of love, usually to satisfy a desire for attention from the child or a dependency. In fact, I never see parents kiss or hug there children anytime. Think about. Never expressing love to your own children.

What I do see and hear are parents wanting their 3 or 4  year old children to do their best and NOT CAUSE TROUBLE. The closet a parent will come to saying “I love you” is say “Do your best” (Gambatte). This is the last thing parents will say when dropping of their children at kinder or school. Or, a wonderful playful exchange will happen between two children which might be a little bit funny or strange. Then either one of both of the parents of the children will apologize for “trouble”caused and then openly scold the their children. This is something that really astounds me  - parents warning their children not to cause any trouble for their teachers or friends every morning. Remember these are 3 or 4 year olds learning about life and just beginning to develop their social skills. The pressure begins very early at school to conform to social standards and be perfect.

I feel that Japanese have it pretty hard. It is not easy being Japanese.  I have meet many Japanese who have never experienced love. They are extremely lonely and socially awkward people leading unhappy lives. Outside of their work they have nothing or nobody to share their lives with.

Holding Back

Watching when Japanese meet Japanese for the first time in Japan appears to be an uncomfortable experience for all involved. It is most certainly uncomfortable for Japanese when meeting foreigners for the first time. Westerners being frank and sometimes a little aggressive intimidate Japanese. For me, meeting Japanese can be an annoying experience. It is something similar to meeting a very shy child. There is usually no eye contact and not much is said. In Japanese this is called “Enryo” – Holding back.

Japanese Politness
Enryo is a form of politeness, a device for maintaining a certain distance from those one does not know well or one considers as one’s superiors. When Japanese meet someone for the first time, they tend to avoid close contact, such as a hand shake or embrace. A polite bow is the usual greeting. The distance does not necessarily mean unfriendliness, but it can certainly come across that way to new comers to Japan.

Enryo can be a somewhat time wasting and confusing social custom to foreigners. In the Westerners mindset it is Japanese being unnecessarily polite. For example, when offered a drink or food, it is courteous for Japanese to refuse what is offered at least once in order to show that they are holding back. This is being polite in Japan. What is important is show that you are not really declining the the offer, but just trying to show that you are being polite. So rather than saying a flat “no”, Japanese say something like “that would be troubling you to much”. The person making the offer will not take the response at face value . He or she will repeat the offer, saying, “please don’t hold back” with the result of the offer finally being accepted.

Most young Japanese would agree that the logic behind “enryo” at times doesn’t really add up. More and more Japanese are finding the subtle exchanges of courtesy, the art of holding back, too difficult to perform perfectly . However, enryo is still a integral part of social behavior in which Japanese take extreme pride. In casual social encounters, holding back, is highly prized and praised.

Enryo can cause a multitude of problems in the world of international relations and business. Japanese business men are acutely aware that their custom of holding back is the exactly opposed to the Western way of “holding forth”. Depending on where and how business is being done “enryo” can benefit or handicap Japanese. What Westerners should know that if they are playing by Japanese rules, then being too forward and forthright is putting yourself at a disadvantage. Japanese are more impressed with people who talk the least and who make their point by manner rather than their mouth.

Silent Communication

Silence is sometimes considered golden. In Japan silence is communication. Speech is often considered unnecessary and sometimes even seems to obstruct harmonious interpersonal relationships. Accepting silence as an alternative to saying what you want to express can be a frustrating ordeal for non-Japanese living in Japan. As it is considered illogical not to express yourself with words it can takes years getting accustomed to the Japanese way of silent communication.

The Japanese are very cautious not to hurt the feelings of others, nor do they wish to cause trouble for others. They tend to surmise other people’s possible reactions before giving opinions or taking some sort of action. This can result in Japanese doing things they don’t want to do. For example, not leaving a job they are unhappy with because they don’t want to cause trouble for their co-workers. Japanese like to achieve mutual understanding by nonverbal cues rather than by blunt or outright questions or heated discussions. It is all about avoiding confrontation and conflict.

Mind to Heart To Communication

To the Japanese, silence in conversation ( if there is such a thing) can often convey a far more profound meaning than just…let’s say…eloquence. Western society would see this non-verbal communication as more of a social problem of the Japanese in general. Japanese traditionalists see this silent communication as a highly prized skill. The Japanese language has many proverbial expressions concerning the effectiveness and wisdom of nonverbal communication. “Ishin-denshin” can be taken to mean “Using cultural telepathy” or “mind to heart communication”. “Haragei” is other meaning “art of the belly”. By the unique technique of “haragei” a person makes the other party understand his real intentions without verbal interaction. This ability is regarded as indispensable to influential figures, particularly in political circles.

Unlike most other nations, Japan is a highly homogeneous society, where nonverbal forms of communication can be easily developed and conveniently used in various situations. As Japanese have traditionally depended on “ishin denshin” for much of their communication they are generally turned off by people who, by their standards, talk excessively. In contrast to the Japanese, Westerners, particularly Americans, are noted for being big talkers, with the result that these two widely differing modes of behavior often clash. And believe me they do clash.

In this internationalized world, more and more Japanese think it urgently necessary to change their tendency to implicitness and silence which can cause misunderstanding in inter-cultural communication. Likewise, it does pay for foreign businessmen and politicians to make a point of letting their Japanese counterparts know that they are aware of the “ishin deshin” method of communicating, and that they want to have a mind-to-heart understanding with them.

In order to speak like a Japanese native you have to learn, at times, not to speak at all. This requires a certain amount of patience and faith. “Ishin Denshin” is something you can really only experience by living with Japanese in Japan. When I lived with my wife’s family there was very little converstion between family members. I found it quite challenging to sit through meals and not talk. It took a long time to feel comfortable in a shared state of silence. So, if you want to speak like a Japanese keep in mind that less said will often resonate more than blurting out what you think or feel.

Japanese are highly regarded for their commitment to work. Often putting work before family few Japanese take the paid holidays which they are legally entitled to. In my 10 years of living in Japan I have never known any of my Japanese friends to take more than a weeks holiday. Most Japanese will never use all their paid holidays and believe it is wrong to do so as it will cause trouble for fellow co-workers and so on.

Japanese may not take many personal holidays, but they do celebrate many Japanese national holidays. Below is a list of the many national holidays Japanese take each year. Some of them sound a bit wacky like “Marine Day” or “Green Day”. However, most of these holidays are culturally significant in Japan. Some are in fact festival days. Setsubun and Hanabata are two very popular festivals widely celebrated in Japan  These days represent the few times most people can take a day off work without having to worry about what their co-workers are doing. Guilt free holidays! It would definitely impress Japanese if you were able to talk or ask questions about national holidays.

Japanese National Holidays