One custom of Japanese culture that Japanese themselves at times despise is “giri”. A dictionary will tell you that giri means obligation. However, to understand giri you really need to be Japanese. Giri is a way of living. From a very young age Japanese are bound by specific degrees of obligation to themselves, to their parents, their siblings, and to others who touch their lives. In short giri implies the give-and-take principle in social interaction taken to the extreme in Japan. It is a concept which drives Japanese to fulfill there life’s duties as a …….well ……Japanese.
As Japanese feels morally obligated to return a favor to those who have helped him or her in some way they do spend a great deal of time sorting out their giri. My wife is usually a little peeved when she or I receives a gift of some sort because she knows that she will have to go out and buy something to “pay back the giri”. I often forget how much giri is a part of the Japanese way of life. Then I will find myself with my wife wasting time and money buying a gift for someone who I don’t really know. I often suggest to my wife not worry about giri and just accept the gift or favor without any sense of obligation to return the giri. However, giri is so infused with the Japanese way of life that one will surely feel shame if they don’t return the favor.
The concept of giri to non-Japanese seems fickle and very…Japanese. I should also point out that Japanese generally only do giri with Japanese. Perhaps the obligation of giri is something that Japanese feel non-Japanese wouldn’t understand. I must say that giri does take away the good will, thoughtfulness or happy feelings associated with gift giving or helping out. Gifts aren’t usually gifts in Japan, that are some form of payback. If someone helps you out, then you owe them.
Acts of Giri
Acts of giri include such things as sending and giving gifts, attending weddings and funerals, and avoiding actions that would harm anyones’ reputation. My father in-law is the oldest son of a large family seven brothers and sisters. This makes him the big wig of the family. He is a very successful potter and the local community “God father” (he is not Yakuza). Anyway, not one week goes by without him either going to a wedding or funeral. He also constantly receives gifts of rice, beer, noddles, cakes and whatnot from friends, distant family and business associates.
The feeling of obligation also extend to relations between businesses. Companies generally continue doing business with companies that have helped them out or provided good service in the past. They will continue business relations even if it not the the companies best interest to do so. Workers will often not leave a job that are unhappy with because of the giri they feel they owe to their boss or co-workers. Aren’t you glad you’re not Japanese!?
