Watching when Japanese meet Japanese for the first time in Japan appears to be an uncomfortable experience for all involved. It can be most certainly uncomfortable for Japanese when meeting foreigners for the first time. Westerners being frank and sometimes a little aggressive can scare or intimidate Japanese. For me, meeting Japanese who have had little experience with foreigners can be an funny interaction. It is something similar to meeting a very shy child. There is usually no eye contact and not much is said. In Japanese this is called “Enryo” – Holding back.
Japanese Culture – Enryo
Enryo is a form of politeness, a device for maintaining a certain distance from those one does not know well or one considers as one’s superiors. When Japanese meet someone for the first time, they tend to avoid close contact, such as a hand shake or embrace. A polite bow is the usual greeting. The distance does not necessarily mean unfriendliness, but it can certainly come across that way to new comers to Japan.
Enryo can be a somewhat time wasting and confusing social custom to foreigners. In the Westerners mindset it is Japanese being unnecessarily polite. For example, when offered a drink or food, it is courteous for Japanese to refuse what is offered at least once in order to show that they are holding back. This is being polite in Japan. What is important is show that you are not really declining the the offer, but just trying to show that you are being polite. So rather than saying a flat “no”, Japanese say something like “that would be troubling you to much”. The person making the offer will not take the response at face value . He or she will repeat the offer, saying, “please don’t hold back” with the result of the offer finally being accepted.
Most young Japanese would agree that the logic behind “enryo” at times doesn’t really add up. More and more Japanese are finding the subtle exchanges of courtesy, the art of holding back, too difficult to perform perfectly . However, enryo is still a integral part of social behavior in which Japanese take extreme pride. In casual social encounters, holding back, is highly prized and praised.
Enryo can cause a multitude of problems in the world of international relations and business. Japanese business men are acutely aware that their custom of holding back is the exactly opposed to the Western way of “holding forth”. Depending on where and how business is being done “enryo” can benefit or handicap Japanese. What Westerners should know that if they are playing by Japanese rules, then being too forward and forthright is putting yourself at a disadvantage. Japanese are more impressed with people who talk the least and who make their point by manner rather than their mouth.
Most students of Japanese go about learning to read Japanese the wrong way. In fact most teachers go about teaching Japanese the wrong way. It is harsh comment, but an unfortunate reality. It is the reason why most students never reach a level where they can read real Japanese.
Most students are taught to read Hiragana, Katakana and then memorize Kanji in order to read Japanese. This is obviously a logical learning pattern or method. However, too much emphasis is placed on learning individual kanji characters and all their readings. Once a student has reached a basic level, where they can read hiragana and katakana, they should start trying to read kanji in context. The problem is students try to learn and memorize hundreds of kanji in no context at all.
Learning To Read Kanji
Memorizing hundreds of kanji readings will not help you read Japanese. More emphasis should be place on actually reading kanji in context and on “kanji vocabulary”. I struggled for years in order to reach a level where I could read real Japanese. I spent hours and hours on trying to memorize hundreds of kanji and lots of grammar points. When I went to practice to read I couldn’t. It was like having all the right ingredients, but not knowing how to use them. This is the problem you are probably facing right now with your Japanese - you know hiragana, katakana, a few hundred kanji, basic grammar, but you can’t read.
Learn How To Read Japanese
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Culture plays an important part of Japanese, too. Most teachers of Japanese forget this. We discuss culture, social customs and the Japanese mind-set in our video tutorials. These factors play an important part in learning, speaking and reading Japanese. We also give concise easy to understand grammar explanations as well.
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Here is a link for more information. You can sign up to our newsletter and receive some sample videos.
When I first came to Japan I worked as a trainee in a restaurant. This was obviously great for my Japanese. I was hearing Japanese all day long. Those first few weeks were tough trying to understand what my co-workers and customers were saying. One of the first words I learned at my restaurant was “Okyakyu-San” which I took to mean just “customer’. Every time customers walked into our restaurant they were greeted by shouts of “Irasshaiiamse” and then asked how many were in their party. One thing that surprised me was the staff would address the customers “Okyakyu-San”. I thought it a bit odd to be be calling or addressing customers with the word “customer/s”. In English we only use customer to refer to patrons or guests. We never actually say customer to someones face. As my Japanese in the following months improved I think I wrote this term off as just another polite but impersonal Japanese word.
Okyaku-San
Now that I am a little older with close to a decade of living in Japanese under my belt I believe I do understand the word “Okyakyu-San” on a deeper level. “Okyakyu” means “honored guest” as well as customer. Adding san gives it a Mr., Mrs, or Miss. meaning. Like with most things in Japan it is all about history. Back in the good old Samurai days the hierarchically arranged society meant that in order to survive the inferior class had to provide “service”, extreme politeness and deference to their superiors. The common people were at the mercy or the elite Samurai ruling class. Although the Samurai were a “barbaric sword wielding mob” ( in Western eyes) , they did have extremely high etiquette standards. The Samurai were also in charge of enforcing them. To put in vulgar Western terms:It was kiss ass or your ass would be kicked.
This sort of set in a superior/customer is GOD type social conditioning that was ingrained in the Japanese over a period of more than a thousand years. It became an integral part of social and political systems. Etiquette was everything. It also evolved the Japanese language to extreme mind boggling polite standards. Nowadays, the concept of “Okyakyu” has weakened – there are no sword wielding mobsters keeping the high etiquette standards alive. Particularly, the formal language and certain social customs among younger Japanese is disintegrating at an alarming rate and is in fact something of a major concern.
In business customer is still God and Japanese go to great lengths to build harmonious relationships even before actually doing business. It is very different to the somewhat self absorbed “Lets do business” mentality of the west. However, it can take a while to found out just what your prospective business associates want and when and how they want to get business done. Japanese tend to build business relationship with a long term vision in mind, rather than building business to serve short term purposes or meet goals.
Japanese classes are like a sushi platter – you never know what you are going to get and you’ll always be unsure of the quality of the fish. I have had my fair share of Japanese classes, both group and private. In Japan I took volunteer lessons at the local ward office, then several years later I studied at a Japanese language college for several months full time. I took private lessons from several teachers in preparation for the Japanese language proficiency test at great expense. I also did a certificate course in Japanese back home in Australia. I have done more than enough study, but I could certainly learn more.
Looking back at my Japanese language education I would have to say the majority of my classes weren’t very beneficial considering the amount of money I invested. I say this because all but a few of my teachers rarely taught Japanese to suit my needs and goals. Most of them just taught what they thought I should know or what they had to teach.
Finding a Good Japanese Teacher
Finding a teacher who can understand your needs and deliver a lesson that will actually teach you something worthwhile is something few students consider. As a complete beginner you will most likely walk away from any lesson having learned something regardless of the quality of the teaching. You will probably find the going slow and develop a mindset that Japanese is difficult to learn and just accept the teacher you have. The problem comes to light once you have the fundamentals of the language under your belt and are ready for the next level. Few teachers will ever really ask you what you want to learn and customize lessons to met your needs. You need to be pro-active in finding a good tecaher or school.
Paid Japanese Classes
Before taking lessons, especially paid lessons, you should think about what you want you want to learn. For example, do you want to learn Japanese grammar? Spoken Japanese? How to read and write Kanji? Are cultural activities important to you? You should also set goals and share them with your teacher. Do you want to study Japanese to get into a Japanese university? Are you wanting you communicate with your Japanese in-laws? Are you interested in taking JLPT? Don’t ever pay for lessons until you know what you want and are sure you will receive lessons that will help and not hinder your progress.
My paid Japanese lessons at a school in Japan were a disaster. My level assessment and induction to the college went very well. However, after a few lessons I found myself in a very frustrating situation. I enrolled to the school with the hope an intention of taking a course to improving my spoken and written Japanese. I soon realized that I had been enrolled to classes for students wanting to take JLPT levels 1 or 2. Most of my students were studying Japanese with the intention of enrolling to a Japanese university.
On my first day I was quite shocked to find out that I was one of only four English speaking students in the whole school. The rest were Korean and Chinese students. Although I made some great friends, I found myself stuck in a class with students far beyond my level who could read and write Japanese. I had only knew a few hundred Kanji and certainly couldn’t read. Most of the classes were reading focused and very difficult. I spent the majority of my classes trying to work out just the readings of Kanji. I would work out their stroke order and then search for the kanji in an electronic dictionary. Just to work out the reading and then the meaning of a single kanji would take me up to 3 or 4 minutes. I rarely finished any of the in class work in time and found the homework far beyond my abilities.
I spoke to teachers and explained my situation. I was unable to change classes and just told to hang in there (Ganbatte kudasi) and keep at it. Eventually I become so frustrated and I started skipping classes. Some mornings I just couldn’t get myself up knowing I would be spending 5 hours frustrated and completely lost with a growing list of kanji and grammar I couldn’t understand. I kind of felt like the classroom pet. And I mean the animal kind because I couldn’t understand a bloody thing and everyone kept patting me on the back offering words of encouragement. No matter how motivated I tried to get myself in the morning the day would always end with me close to losing my sanity. So you have been warned – learning Japanese isn’t always fun. Find yourself a good school or teacher.
