Watching when Japanese meet Japanese for the first time in Japan appears to be an uncomfortable experience for all involved. It can be most certainly uncomfortable for Japanese when meeting foreigners for the first time. Westerners being frank and sometimes a little aggressive can scare or intimidate Japanese. For me, meeting Japanese who have had little experience with foreigners can be an funny interaction. It is something similar to meeting a very shy child. There is usually no eye contact and not much is said. In Japanese this is called “Enryo” – Holding back.
Japanese Culture – Enryo
Enryo is a form of politeness, a device for maintaining a certain distance from those one does not know well or one considers as one’s superiors. When Japanese meet someone for the first time, they tend to avoid close contact, such as a hand shake or embrace. A polite bow is the usual greeting. The distance does not necessarily mean unfriendliness, but it can certainly come across that way to new comers to Japan.
Enryo can be a somewhat time wasting and confusing social custom to foreigners. In the Westerners mindset it is Japanese being unnecessarily polite. For example, when offered a drink or food, it is courteous for Japanese to refuse what is offered at least once in order to show that they are holding back. This is being polite in Japan. What is important is show that you are not really declining the the offer, but just trying to show that you are being polite. So rather than saying a flat “no”, Japanese say something like “that would be troubling you to much”. The person making the offer will not take the response at face value . He or she will repeat the offer, saying, “please don’t hold back” with the result of the offer finally being accepted.
Most young Japanese would agree that the logic behind “enryo” at times doesn’t really add up. More and more Japanese are finding the subtle exchanges of courtesy, the art of holding back, too difficult to perform perfectly . However, enryo is still a integral part of social behavior in which Japanese take extreme pride. In casual social encounters, holding back, is highly prized and praised.
Enryo can cause a multitude of problems in the world of international relations and business. Japanese business men are acutely aware that their custom of holding back is the exactly opposed to the Western way of “holding forth”. Depending on where and how business is being done “enryo” can benefit or handicap Japanese. What Westerners should know that if they are playing by Japanese rules, then being too forward and forthright is putting yourself at a disadvantage. Japanese are more impressed with people who talk the least and who make their point by manner rather than their mouth.
After living in Japan for close to ten years and once never breaking the law I was quite angered when I learned that the next time I re-enter Japan I will be fingerprinted and my photo will be taken. My photograph and the image of my fingerprints will then be ran through a database of international terror and crime suspects as well as domestic records.
It felt like a bit of a slap in the face at the time. I have always believed that Japanese are not racist, at least not to Hakujin (white people). However, this was yet another case of discrimination in a ,at times, backwards country with more than enough social, political and economic problems to worry than concern itself with fingerprinting every foreigner that comes into the country. Japan has been fingerprinting all foreign visitors for security measures since November 2007.
This an another example of Japanese bureaucracy wasting money and resources. Japan is only hurting herself making this move. It will make many people think twice about visiting Japan. It will especially frustrate businessmen. Just imagine you arrive at Narita airport after a 10 to 15 hour flight. Your tired and want to get to your hotel or destination and you are going to be requesting politely requested to have your fingerprints and photo taken. If you refuse you’ll be deported. This kind of bureaucratic nonsense really fuels the fire of my love-hate relationship with Japan.
I can’t think of any reasons that justifies this “security measure”. Japan has not experienced any terrorist attacks by any foreign group or individual. The only recent terrorist attack I can think of was the Sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway in 1995. this attack was committed by the Japanese religious cult Aum Shnrikyo.
Japan can be a wonderful country to visit and live in. However, the longer you live there the more you realize the less you understand. After ten years and many experiences I knew that Japanese could never really be a home for my family. It was a difficult decision to leave, but it was the right decision. I certainly didn’t want my son exposed to certain aspects of Japanese culture. His mother is Japanese and he was born there, but he was always considered a foreigner or half before a Japanese because of the way he looked. I think growing up in Japan would have been very difficult for him.
I lived in Japan for almost 10 years, married a Japanese, had a child in Japan and I couldn’t even apply for permanent residency. My wife, on the other hand was able to apply and received permanent residency immediately to my home country of Australia last year.
Giri is an important value and social custom in Japan. In short, it is the duty one has to fulfill various social obligations. These include the giving of gifts, returning favors, attending functions such as weddings and funerals, the sending of New Years cards and avoiding actions that would cause harm to any one’s livelihood or reputation.
While these acts or obligations are common to Western relationships, the act or practice of giri is very different. When practicing giri one will not take into account one’s own suffering when serving or helping another. To use the workplace as an example, Japanese will serve their superiors with a self sacrificing devotion. Employees will even tolerate abuse and humiliation to fulfill their giri to their superiors or employers. The purpose of this devotion being support and respect for human relationships.
Possible meanings:
- Obligation, moral obligation
- Duty
- Self-sacrificing devotion
Special note:
Giri has a far more pervasive influence on the Japanese world view and culture than its English equivalent. Many foreigners dealing with the Japanese are first impressed by exquisite manners and sense of duty or commitment. However, over time most foreigners come to find these acts of giri to be hypocritical and superficial.
In the Western mindset Giri would be something similar to doing the right thing or repaying kindness. One custom or practice Japanese often find frustrating is gift giving. When Japanese receive gifts Japanese they know they must pay back the kindness and give something in return. This means that for many Japanese receiving gifts is something they wish they could avoid as they know will have to go to the trouble of buying something in return to do giri.
Should You Practice Giri?
You should be definitely aware of and practice giri if you are living in Japan. Practicing giri will help you build strong relationships and help you in the long run. You can actually build up giri with friends and associates by doing unsolicited favors. A sort of an unspoken, but very structured “I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine.”
I can honestly say that after living in Japan for ten years I have never experienced any racism in Japan. Racism is almost non existent in Japan. I am talking about hate driven racism. Discrimination , however, is something common place and not just limited to non-Japanese living in Japan. The group, not the individual, is primary importance in Japanese society. As a result minority groups and individuals are discriminated in Japan, including Japanese.
When applied to Japanese society, equality is often take to mean that one is treated just like other members in a group to which one belongs, and fair treatment is guaranteed as long as one observes the groups internal rules. If you are not of the group then you won’t be treated equally. Not being part of a group or not being allowed to part of a group is known as “nakama-hazure”. In most countries this type of behavior would be typical in the school yard. In Japan it is common place regardless of age.
Bullying is recognized as a huge problem in Japan. Japanese are conditioned to be homogeneous from a very young to such a degree that anyone who doesn’t fit in is somewhat deserving of being bullied. Without a doubt, Japanese who voluntarily deviate from mainstream norms are subject to discrimination usually due to sexuality, religious beliefs and political views and academic backgrounds.
To the majority of Japanese, the worst way in which they can be discriminated against is by what is referred to as “mura-hachibu” or village ostracism. In olden times, this meant to be excluded from social interaction with other in one’s village. In modern Japan, it means to be excluded from one’s group, so that members are likely to face difficulties. They may not be invited to social gatherings. They may not be offered help when needed. They may have delayed promotions at work, and so on.
Being An Outsider
I often feel fortunate to be a minority living in Japan. Japanese have no expectation of me to be Japanese in any manner. So I am free of cultural complexities such as “giri” and “enryo”. There have been moments were discrimination has boarded on racism, but I know that I am and always will be an outsider in Japan so I rarely take such social discrimination personally. I have been refused service in bars and shops, my Japanese has been made fun of, car doors have been locked by drivers as I have walked by their running cars, and strangers have ignored my request for directions on the odd occasion. Nothing too terrible, but just reminders that I am not of the majority.
So expect a little discrimination when you come to Japan and try not to take it personally. Keep in mind, that anyone in Japan, such as minority groups, can be subject to discrimination in Japanese society. The Japanese concepts of equality and discrimination are defined by feelings based on case-by-case situations rather than by clear-cut laws and/or principles.
Here is a letter from a student I got a while back in Japan. I thought I would share it with you.
Dear Nick,
Thank you so much for your enjoyable lessons every time! After class last week, I was thinking about what you told us. I do understand you have some stressful life in Japan. I know travelling and living in another country is quite different. I think Japanese people are generally kind and friendly but it would be hard for the people from other countries to live in Japan. The way of life, the tradition, local customs, human relations, and so on.
Tajimi is a small town and we hardly get to know non-Japanese people in everyday life, and most of us speak only Japanese. If you lived in some other big cities like Tokyo, Kobe, Yokohama or Nagoya, you life might be comfortable. You are such a nice and friendly person who tries to understand our culture and way of living, even though you have had some unpleasant experiences. you are fed up of being asked something rude, for example, “Are you American?” They wouldn’t know it is rude.
Since the World War II ended, Japanese people have been strongly influenced by the USA. Probably “Gaijin” means “American” for them. I guess. Well, I have textbooks called “Modern English”. I got in the 1970′s, and the first dialog is written like this. “Excuse me. Are you American ?” “Yes, I am from New York”. When I heard your “grumble” last week, I remembered this dialog. In those days the characters in the text were only American and Japanese. I have a recent English textbook for junior high school students, and the characters are American, Australian, Indian, Chinese, Tanzanian and Japanese. Excellent, isn’t it?!
I cannot express well what I think, also my listening comprehension is still poor, but I enjoy learning English from you. It’s good to know the words we learned at school or from dictionaries but native speakers don’t use actually. Looking forward to you next lesson.
