Going back to my realization that Japanese don’t love. I believe Japan or Japanese doesn’t have a love culture. What I mean is love isn’t valued as much as pride or “doing one’s best. I want to make myself clear. I am not talking about a “boy meets girl and falls in love” kind of love. Japanese do fall in love and have the feelings romance or “being in love”. I am talking about family love, or a love for friends and a love for people in general.  I am not saying Japanese don’t care or feel things for people or family. They certainly do care and have feelings despite having great difficultly expressing them.

Why Japanese Cant Love

What I have seen and believe is that Japanese people just don’t love each other in the sense that love is something that you do or show. Love is a  verb – love it is something you do, not just feel.  Japanese families are ….loveless.  Their culture to a large degree doesn’t allow them to love. Up until the late 70′s arranged marriages were standard with the husband’s occupation, educational background and earning potenial being the most important things to the marriage. Many parents, especially fathers, don’t ever develop friendships with there children. In fact many father’s don’t even know their children because they are never home.

When I take my own son to kinder everyday I never see any parent kiss or hug their child to express love. This really blows my mind. I am talking about 3 and 4 year olds. Even when parents pick their children up there is nothing that you could call loving going on. A smile and a pat on the head at most. Parents may pick up there child and hug or hold them, but not for an expression of love, usually to satisfy a desire for attention from the child or a dependency. In fact, I never see parents kiss or hug there children anytime. Think about. Never expressing love to your own children.

What I do see and hear are parents wanting their 3 or 4  year old children to do their best and NOT CAUSE TROUBLE. The closet a parent will come to saying “I love you” is say “Do your best” (Gambatte). This is the last thing parents will say when dropping of their children at kinder or school. Or, a wonderful playful exchange will happen between two children which might be a little bit funny or strange. Then either one of both of the parents of the children will apologize for “trouble”caused and then openly scold the their children. This is something that really astounds me  - parents warning their children not to cause any trouble for their teachers or friends every morning. Remember these are 3 or 4 year olds learning about life and just beginning to develop their social skills. The pressure begins very early at school to conform to social standards and be perfect.

I feel that Japanese have it pretty hard. It is not easy being Japanese.  I have meet many Japanese who have never experienced love. They are extremely lonely and socially awkward people leading unhappy lives. Outside of their work they have nothing or nobody to share their lives with.